Compassion

He who has compassion on them will guide them and lead them beside springs of water. Isaiah 49:10

 We all want the best for our kids. “The best”—my ultimate goal for my kids– is that they would come to know the Living Water. Jesus and the many types that prefigured him in the Old Testament show us how to lead: by compassion.

I started out my parenting journey thinking that first time obedience and lots of strict (and to be honest, harsh) discipline should be the norm. Because of the wisdom of godly women who have gone before me, and the Lord’s guidance in my life, my approach has changed.

I think of Moses who on multiple occasions interceded for Israel—the people under his care, and in doing so spared their lives. Though they continued to sin and make mistakes—making Moses’ job difficult and frustrating, he did not use his position of authority to act superior to them– he must have known well his own weakness and similar struggles with sin to care for them the way he did. Moses identified with them and their weakness and had compassion on them. He led out of genuine humility and love. He put his life on the line on their behalf.  Just as Christ did for us, just as we can do for those in our care.

My natural response in frustrating parenting situations is to become angry, authoritative, and harsh, but Moses’ response—the supernatural response, was to channel the frustration into intercession and ultimately to act out of compassion for his people. Jesus is our ultimate example in that he laid down his life for us while we were still sinners.  When our kids sin, is our response love and compassion– to the point of forsaking our own comfort and desire for things to be easy and go smoothly? Are we willing to put in the hard work to intercede with them and for them, and to train them in the right way, pointing them toward Jesus?

Jesus ushered in the new covenant where grace rules. Sure, we still need to discipline our kids, just as the Lord still disciplines us, but relationship (not obedience) is the bottom line. Was it not the Lord’s love that wooed us into obedience to Him? Romans 2:4 tells us it is His kindness that leads us to repentance. Surely it is because of the Lord’s great love for me that I desire to obey Him. Likewise, an expectancy for obedience in our children must come out of relationships that have been nurtured, and discipline must be rooted in compassion. If you’re feeling like your relationship with your kids could use some nurturing, check out this great post by my sister-in-law.

Some Practical Ways I’m Learning to Parent With Compassion:

-I’m leaning, as the cliché saying goes, not to sweat the small stuff. Stuff that stressed me out as a new mom doesn’t faze me anymore. It really is kind of funny that the toddler started making an indoor sandbox in that minute it took me to make my coffee. And if he only wants to eat pizza and fruit for the next year of his life, I might just let him, because I know by the time he’s a teen he’ll be eating everything in sight (I say that in jest!).  I’m not going to get flustered when he refuses to wear his shoes, because if I sing to him a made-up song about wearing shoes it will become his new favorite thing to do. I’m not embarrassed by a tantrum in the store—what two-year-old hasn’t had their share? We address the issue (which sometimes means excusing ourselves to a private place like a restroom for a few) then carry on.

-Which leads me to the next thing: I’m learning to understand and embrace the seasons of childhood.* I know he wasn’t being naughty when he brought that sand indoors—his two-year-old little brain thought the living room was a legit/perfect place to build sandcastles! Sure, I’ll tell him to keep it outside from now on, and although it is one more mess to clean up, it’s nothing to get frustrated about. In fact, seeing him act in all his two-year-old, boyishglory, brings delight to my soul and levity to my day. (Sally has reminded me many times this is how God sees us—he does not expect us to be what or where we’re not. He delights in us—immaturity and all.) Immaturity is not the same thing as rebellion so it shouldn’t be treated as such. God is not hard on us for our immaturity—he comes alongside to patiently teach us.

 He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.

Isaiah 40:11

Mamas, may we gently lead our young just as he gently leads us.

Written by Anne Everitt

Lord, may I not forget to lead them with compassion.